If I had a choice, this is what I would do for the rest of my life. I might have not thought this through, but here it is. I would never, ever EVER work in an office again. I don't like human interaction all that much. Well, not when they're assholes, anyway, which is what I've been dealing with for a very long time. I want to work in a place that's relaxed, I want to work in a place with no deadlines, a place that smells nice, is relaxed and makes you feel good. Something with books, something with perfumes, something with lots and lots of tea. Something with intelligent, conversation-worthy people, whom you talk to because you want to, not because you have to. I would like to learn something new. I haven't learned something new in a very long time, and that's nobody's fault but mine. The reason why I haven't done it is a little word we like to call complacency. I've been ok with what I was doing and I when it stopped being ok, instead of moving on or trying to learn something new, I got scared, angry, frustrated, which led to me being really, really tired. And then I did my best to just stay under the radar and not think of anything else, not do more than I had to. Survival mode. That, of course, didn't work. I'm a drama queen, as well as prone to going from relatively nice and pleasant to angry bitch in less than a minute, sometimes less if I don't like your face.
Anyway, I digress. The point is, I got rid of that. Now I'm up in the air and have to will myself to learn something new, something, preferably, that I like. But first, I have to think long and hard about what it is that I do like. And what I see myself doing. So: perfumes, tea, lots of books, aromatherapy, plants, even listening to people and maybe giving advice, but that's a bit unsafe since I'm a bit off at the moment and I should probably take care of my own problems first.

What I need right now is to feel safe, pressure-free and fear-free. And that's a lot. But I might be able to pull it off. After all, I've left a lot of my bad life behind. All I can look forward to, really, is happiness and dreams come true. And as much as I want it to be a gift sent to me from heaven or waiting on my pillow when I wake up, it's not gonna happen. I have no choice. I have to start living and taking chances. So this is me, giving myself that extra (but positive) kick in the butt.

There, I said it.